Humor: Trooper Wisecracks

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Trooper Wisecracks Comments made by state troopers taken from car videos: 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 5. "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" 8. "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go on rides and eat cotton candy and corn dogs." 11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center) 13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief [of Police] is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." 16. "You thought we don't give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here." FAIL Submitted Submitted Submitted Click Here The Buck Stops sticker In the current White House, the buck always seems to be stopping somewhere, uh, over there. This high quality vinyl sticker measures 10" x 2.75". Motivation Submitted And now for a cartoon To subscribe to Patriot Humor, click here. To submit humor items for our consideration, email us at humor@patriotpost.us If you enjoy Patriot Humor, you should check out our other online resources: Opinion Thomas Sowell: Is Democracy Viable? Mona Charen: Should Boys Be Wrestling Girls? Dennis Prager: Eight Reasons Not to Be Optimistic About Egypt Debra Saunders: Tax or Spend? The Final Chapter Paul Greenberg: A Sense of Place Rebecca Hagelin: An Empty WorldView David Limbaugh: Hate and Violence From the Left; It's Not Right William Murchison: Organized Coercion Cal Thomas: Evolutionary Law Michael Barone: Voting for the National Interest, Not Self-Interest Burt Prelutsky: Trying to Make Sense of Liberals George Will: Letting the Cream Rise Debra Saunders: The Cheesehead Rubicon Argus Hamilton: From The Comedy Store Peggy Noonan: The Internet Helps Us Get Serious More Opinion Headlines Saudi Arabia Sends Tanks to Riot-hit Bahrain Governor Gives Wisconsin Democrats an Ultimatum House GOP Leader Won't Rule Out Funding Planned Parenthood in Final CR Obama Tells Governors Not to Vilify State Employees, but Froze Federal Worker Salaries Obama Backtracks on Health Mandate, Wants to Allow State Opt-out From Day One Members of the U.S. Military May Have to Pay More for Healthcare Romney Gets Praise From Obama on Massachusetts Healthcare Accidental Death Becomes Suicide When Insurers Don't Pay Google Backs Climate-change Weather Insurance Startup China's Holdings of U.S. Debt Larger Than Reported: $1.16 Trillion DOMA Move Helps President Obama With Gays, Clears Way for 2012 Fundraising Federal Grand Jury Could Soon Indict John Edwards More Headlines Commentary Populism, Progressives and Public Unions The Entitlement Lie: A Conservative Reform of Social Security Tomorrow Begins Today More Commentary Policy The Heritage Foundation The Cato Institute Hoover Institution National Rifle Association Ludwig von Mises Institute National Center for Policy Analysis The Heartland Institute Follow The Patriot Post:                You have received this email because you are subscribed to Patriot Humor, a service of The Patriot Post. To subscribe to Patriot Humor and The Patriot Post, link to http://patriotpost.us/subscribe/. To manage your subscription or to unsubscribe, link to http://patriotpost.us/manage/ and log in with your email address.